Can I Get a Redo?

My laundry has 46 minutes left until the dryer is done, and I’ve been staring at the time and the clothes flipping around inside for the past twenty-something minutes.  Over the semester, I’ve probably wasted more time than I ought have to by doing something similar; watching the grass grow, watching the clouds change shapes, watching the Discovery(Health)/History/Animal Planet/insert educational tv channel.  I wish I could have a redo.  A do-over.  I want all that time back, so I could be doing better in school.  It’s not that I’m doing poorly, I’m just not where I would like to be.  Ideally, I would have straight A’s right now, maybe a B or two… but I don’t.  I have four B’s, and a C+.  And what’s worse is that finals are next week, and I’ve got to study.  The only problem with that is that I don’t know how to study, let alone what to study.  Needless to say, I’m pretty sure I’ll be bombing a few tests, if not all of them.  Sad day.

I wish I could have a redo and get all that time back, so that I would not have to study so much this weekend and cram for all my tests next week.  Cramming never works, and all-nighters just take such a toll on one’s body and attitude towards other people.  41 minutes until the dryer is done.

I realize that no matter how much I want a redo, or how much I want that time back, I will not ever get it back.  “[Poop] in one hand and want in the other, see which one fills up faster” is what my dad always says.  Man, I love him.  He always says this, and it always reminds me of how not everything we want, we get.  And there’s a really good chance that that is for the better.  I want plenty of things that would probably be detrimental to either my schoolwork, or my relationships with friends and family, and even my relationship with Christ.  Luckily, even though I have the desire for those things in the moment, I rarely act on those thoughts, and nothing too horrible comes of it.  Just last night I had an urge for some rebelliousness, but I quickly put that thought away after about ten minutes of considering it.  Even though I want something in the moment, a lot of times my heart wins out saying that those things would not bring glory and honor to Dad.  I’m not going to lie, I am very glad that the Father has worked through me and has changed my heart from what it use to be, and I am very glad that I am a bit wiser and just not as stupid as I once was… but sometimes I wish I could just have a night or two where I could go back and just not care about anything anyone had to say or think, even Christ.  And that, I feel, is not the best thing.

34 minutes.

And although I feel that way, I know it isn’t right, and that in those desires I’m not bringing glory to God.  And honestly, that’s all I want for my life: for my life to bring glory and honor and praise to my Dad, and just to make Him proud of me.  Sometimes I like to think that when I make the right decision, God leans over to Jesus and nudges him a little with his elbow and says, “psst… hey, Jesus… that’s my girl,” and maybe winks or flashes a beaming smile.  Is that silly of me?  Is that wrong of me to want God to do that when I do something right?  Is that selfish?  Is it something that God doesn’t like about my character?  I just want to make Him proud of me.  That’s all.

27 minutes.

I wish I had more things to say, or at least things that were clear and concise, that made sense to the general public.  Sometimes things I think and feel and desire don’t add up to what they should, or just don’t make sense.  Sorry.  (;  I’m not going to lie… I kind of want to be more of a philosopher type.  I want to be intelligent enough to raise questions that raise more questions that spur on more questions.  Perhaps one day I’ll get that.  But Jenny does already call me a philosopher.  Not yet, Jenny.

Anyways.  Thanks for reading my ramblings and for not making fun of me and my poor writing style.  Please have a really fantastic day.  It’s so beautiful out in Kissimmee right now… I love the cold.

Love in Him.

ps.
22 minutes.