Worn Out

I don’t think I realized just how worn out I am after this first semester of college than on Monday night.  I was just so stressed out that at about 1am I went back to my apartment, turned on the shower, and sat down on the floor and cried so the roommates couldn’t hear.  haha.  It was so needed, though, and I don’t even mind the fact that I was crying on the bathroom floor.  The best part was that in the midst of my self-pity and my exhaustion and stress and crocodile tears, I realized that God still loved me.  Yep.  Even though I was in some humiliating position and was at the lowest point of my college career (which doesn’t say much because I’ve only been here for a few months), God still loved me.  You know which song came to my mind and hasn’t left me yet?  “How He Loves” by John Mark McMillan.  yep.  such a simple song, with such simple lyrics, yet with such a simple and powerful message.

That song hasn’t left my head yet, and I keep singing it to myself, and especially when I start to stress out over exams again.  It just goes, *pop* and I can’t help but sing it again.  And… I’m okay with that.  Because it’s so true, how He loves us.  If you haven’t listened to it, and you want to, be sure to listen to John’s original version instead of any of the covers or the David Crowder version.  To me, it’s just as pure as can be, and it means more.  Plus, I think the “heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss” part is my favorite. (:

I’m going to get back to work now.  I think I’ll finish up with these last few flash cards for Apologetics and then hit the sack.  I haven’t been sleeping well the last few weeks, and people have started taking notice to my exhaustion… even one of my professors said the other week, “you have such tired eyes, Megan. Why is that?”  Professor, I wish I could just tell you.  And I wish I could just tell the boy who grilled me yesterday, saying that he got the feeling that something was deeply bothering me… I’m not sure what he’s seeing, but I’m sad that he’s seeing it.

Oh, and I’ve decided to not go to China, at least not this upcoming summer or the one after that.  I think I’m going to hold out for Cambodia with the people from school, and to go and work with the girls who are at the Rapha House there.  More on that later, though.

Love and prayers.