Changes. (:

So… I’m home. (:  I’m home.  I’m finally freaking home.  Ah… it is so nice to just lean back in my own bed, in my own room, in my home and just close my eyes and know that I’m home in Florida, fat and happy.  So wonderful.  (:  But I digress.

It’s funny to think about, but in a lot of ways these past two weeks I’ve grown into a different person.  Before we left for Pittsburgh, I was self-absorbed.  I wanted everything to be in line for me, and I wanted all the things set up for me, and I wanted my iPod to be charged for the drive and the flight, and I wanted everything perfect for me, and I wanted my dad to get my truck fixed because I was whiney from it being in the shop, and I wanted a lot of things.

Today, I realized that this new change or growth in my own self is that I’m not as material-oriented anymore, at least not as much as I was before break started.

Well… I was going to blog… but here’s everything I had to say during a  conversation with my friend… This conversation has been edited to not give away any details of said friend’s life so that said friend isn’t identifiable by name or the things this person says. The main focus is everything I am saying… and it’s basically a one-sided conversation anyways.

Megan
I LOVE YOU! (:
23:42Friend
AW yay!
23:42Megan
and I’m alive.
23:42Friend
You’re alive!
23:42Megan
fyi.
23:42Friend
Bahaha
23:42Megan
BAH!
hahaha
we’re awesome.
23:42Friend
Yesyes
I love you as well
23:42Megan
that made me smile. (:
23:42Friend
ditto
23:43Megan
haha.
how was your day?!
23:43Friend
It was pretty okay 
23:43Megan
that’s better than just okay. (: I’m glad.
you been productive and happy?
23:43Friend
yesyes. how was your flight?
productive yesyesyes 
tell me happy things please
23:46Megan
welll.. today, we came HOME.
I am HOME.
23:46Friend
YAY!
23:47Megan
and I am in my bed, with might dresser lamp on, blogging away, talking to a dear friend, and the plane was delayed but Britt and I had some fun times in the terminal waiting, and we spent a good 30 minutes arguing about where we were while flying and we really had no idea where the heck we were.
23:48Friend
lol
THats wonderful
23:48Megan
and it was just a lot of fun today. a good day. and I brought home little somethings for my sisters, and i saw my mom, and i saw my dad, and we all hugged, and mom ran her fingers through my hair. and I’m home.
and i’m happy. truly happy.
23:49Friend
Thats great. I’m glad that you are appreciating your family right now
23:50Megan
I should love them more often.
but I am home for the night.
and tomorrow I go to Daytona to meet up with Megan and she’s taking me to a secret location to take photos and I’m nervous that I’ll just come up with snapshots which makes me sad, but I’m sure something, maybe even just one photo, will come of it.
and I was asked if I’d be interested in doing someone’s engagement/wedding photos maybe, and that scared me, but I said I’d do it if they were confident in my skills.
23:52Friend
That will be fun..
Wow really! Thats cool.
23:53Megan
and then I’m going to get coffee with Jenny tomorrow and I’m super excited because even though she doesn’t even like coffee she likes me and I’m excited to get to spend some time with her because I haven’t seen her since Halloween, and Imiss her, and just time to down a coffee is enough time of talking. that’s how much I like her.
yeah — I’m not so sure if I would ask me to do my wedding photos, but I mean.. whatever.
heh.
23:54Megan
and then I’m going to Jacksonville and I’m excited because I miss Kaylyn very much and I get to meet someone very special to her and I just miss her, and then I get to see Brandy, and then Panda Express with Ryan, and then I’ll be home, and breakfast on friday with a long lost friend who I miss very much, and then back to FCC. I am so ready for school to start.
23:54Friend
You are such a busy girl
23:55Megan
I’m talking a lot, I know. I’m just tired and happy.
23:55Friend
I like your talking
23:56Megan
I just miss all these people and I am so happy that I’m going to be able to spend some time with them, even if it’s only for a bit. and yeah I’ll be seeing kaylyn and brandy and megan next week, but I don’t care. I miss them now. and I’m just happy that I have all of them in my life so that I can be busy with them. busy is good.
23:56Friend
hehe
I’m glad you’re getting the chance to see them early
23:57Megan
oh! and saturday night is heavy&light for to write love on her arms, and THAT will be fun, I guess, because it’s a bunch of artists singing songs and getting the word otu and I’m happy to be helping out the cause.
23:57Friend
side note, my dog has really awful gas right now
23:57Megan
gross.
don’t tell me that junk. haha.
23:57Friend
Wheres that at?
heh its funny
23:57Megan
it’s at house of blues.
23:57Friend
oh sweet
23:57Megan
yeah.
and today I realized that I’m starting to be less material-oriented because last week I told my dad to just get rid of my truck instead of fixing it and i was okay with it, and I was sort of disappointed when he told me tonight that he got it fixed. he should have saved that money. I could have found ways of getting around. there’s a freakin lynx bus.
23:59Friend
Wow. Thats really nice of him though. He loves you
23:59Megan
and then today I lost my iPod for all of about 6 hours and I wasn’t even that upset or mad about it because I figured that a) it would turn up eventually, and b) that i really didn’t need it. I wasn’t even mad at all, and although I looked for it I was okay with it being gone.
it was very, very nice of him. he is a good dad. i think i’ll keep him.
Today
00:00Friend
Hehe. You’re such a calm child lately
00:01Megan
yeah?
you want to know what I think it is?
00:01Friend
what?
00:02Megan
I’ve been praying a lot more. for a while I had just stopped, or I’d only pray for silly things that didn’t really matter, or instead of praying for someone when I was asked to or said I would, I didn’t. and now, I am. right away. if I see someone’s having a rough time of it, I just stop and say a quick little prayer. then remember them later on and say a more intense one for them, and whoever else I said i would pray for or whoever asked for it.
and this whole past week i’ve read my bible and journaled about the reading. and i like it.
and i plan on continuing it because it’s so nice.
and yesterday I read that bit from psalm… 27:14 “wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
ah. it quiets me.
wait on his timing, his plans, his love and grace and mercy and bah. everything. just wait. be patient. shut up and just listen. open my freaking eyes to what’s going on. see it.
and it’s nice.
00:05Megan
and i’ve been praying legit prayers (not that there are un-legit prayers… there is no such thing, but you know what I mean), and i’ve been reading. and not just one bit at a time. but like, what was it? saturday I read from freakin five different books, just pieces but somehow they all had a connection.
blew my freaking mind.
00:05Friend
I like this. It makes me want to get back to journaling. \
00:05Megan
doooo itttt.
and along with this journaling business, i’ve got my wordpress. and nobody really reads it, and all i ever have to blog about is silly stuff, but i like it. it’s nice. and if someone ever did read it, maybe they’d get something from all my ramblings. who knows. i dont know.
I dont know.
and my brain has been quiet these past few weeks. and i’ve been peaceful. peace.full. full of peace.
geeze. it’s ridiculous.
why didn’t i listen before when people spoke of the peace that comes from christ? gah. i feel so foolish.
and then last night or whenever, someone reminded me of how much i’ve changed. not just since fcc, but in the past few years. how i went from hannah slutana to whoever the heck i am now.
and that made me happy, and grateful. and i like this. i like being able to be like, crap man.. i’m not even close to what i was.
and i dont know what i am now, or whatever, but i know i’m not that. and i know i’m different, and a better different.
and it makes me happy. and my heart is happy. i’ve got a happy heart. and i dont know where it’s all come from. but it’s just a big whoosh of happy heart.
like God was just like, “I’m gonna bless you right now. here’s a happy heart.”
I dont know. maybe that ridiculous to say. probably is.
I dont know.
00:10Friend
Its not. Its really encouraging to hear you talk this way. I’m happy that you’re at this point in your life
00:11Megan
and I mean. i dont know why i’ve never listened to people before.
heh.
and… i’m glad it’s encouraging to you. it’s a great reminder to me. just like, hey… it’s real.
Friend
hehe.
yes it is
00:12Megan
and it’s all good.
so good.
and I’ve been praying for you this whole past week.
00:13Friend
I appreciate that. I’m on a low.
00:14Megan
and. I want to say sorry right now. and it was horrible of me. but sometimes when you needed prayer and i saw it, or i said i would pray for you, or you asked or something… i didn’t. and I’m really sorry for that. and it was wrong of me, and really just stupid of me. saying you will pray for someone and then not doing is is a lie. and i’m sorry i lied to you in the past. and i hope you’ll forgive me.
that’s something that’s been getting to me this past week, and i feel convicted about it. and i’m sorry.
I should have been a better friend than that. You deserved better.
And… it’s not going to happen again. just so you know.
not to you, not to anyone else. that’s my resolution this year.
I just made it.
00:16Friend
Well, I think we all do that. I appreciate your honesty though. I forgive you and thank you for praying for me at all
00:16Megan
thanks for putting up with my crap all the time. (;
00:17Friend
Its only cuz I love you
00:17Megan
and sometimes i still wonder why.
I’ve talked enough.

So, now you know. This is how my life is right now.

Love in Him.