Carol

My grandmother’s name is Carol.  She’s old.  She’s also weak in the lungs, and today at some point she was rushed to the emergency room because she was coughing up a large amount of blood.  Grandma and I go way back… about 19 years.  She’s my mom’s mom, and I’m lucky to know her.  She’s a strong woman.  She’s lived in the same house in Pittsburgh since she was a little girl.  Her husband, my grandfather, is her soul mate.  From what I can tell, he really does love her.  At least, I hope he does.  He’s got that grumpy old man thing going on, so it’s hard to tell when he’s really happy, or when he enjoys someone or something.  I snapped a photo this Christmas while I was in Pittsburgh that, I think, really shows their love.  Or at least their like for each other.

Grandma is ill.  I know I just saw her a month ago for Christmas, but I want to be back up there now.  When the plans were being made for Christmas, I really didn’t want to go.  Too much family drama goes on in Pittsburgh, and there’s always some form of bickering.  Now that I spent time with the family, and now that I’m back away from them, I really hate it.  I wish I could be holding my grandma’s hand right now.  I just want to sit in the hospital room with her and hold her hand and let her know that I love her.  Let her know that I’ll always love her, and I can’t believe I didn’t want to go to Pittsburgh in the beginning.  I wish I could let her know how much I’d miss her if she did die.

I guess I could call her, since she’ll be in the hospital for a few days.  But I think I would cry like a baby… much like I am right now as I type.

So please, keep her in your prayers.  And my family, especially my mom.  I think in a lot of ways, my mom is the closest to her.  She’s the oldest of five, my mom is, and we’ve lived down in Florida for about 17 years now, and mom has been away longer than that… but I still think mom is the closest.  Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part, or maybe it’s true.

I just wish I was in Pittsburgh.  That I didn’t have to worry about missing a crapload of school to be there.  I wish I had the guts to call her.

I can’t stand not being near her.