I don’t know how to speak well tonight…

My head hurts, and so does my heart.

I thought I didn’t care that I got into an argument with a friend. I actually tried to shrug it off like I didn’t care at all that I just stopped being friends with someone really important to me.

That’s what I always do, though.

When it gets rough, I leave. I find a reason to.

When people get too close, I find a reason to push them away.

When people know me too well, I change who I am. At least on the outside.

Very rarely do I let someone in completely and not think it’s too much. Very rarely do I let someone in and let them see my insides, and not cover it up then.

There are certain people who I can do that with — who I can just let in and not think twice about it. People who I can share everything with. It doesn’t come easily, though.

When it comes easily, it seems like those are the most failed friendships. So… if you’re one of those people that openness came easily with… I’m sorry in advance if our friendship ever fails. heh.

Example A.

I thought I didn’t care that we got into an argument and stopped talking. But tonight, I got to thinking. And I do care.

I do care that I just lost a friend. A good friend. A friend who could look at me and know that something was wrong.

But crap is crap, and when it hits the fan it hits the fan. That’s it. You can’t ever put the room exactly back to how it was. All you can do is look at the mess, put on your elbow-length yellow rubber gloves, maybe some 7th grade science class goggles and get to work to clean it up. The room will still smell like crap, no matter how many times you spray Fabreeze everywhere, and the walls will always have some weird tint to it where the crap soaked in…

That’s it.

You move on.

Cover the room up with new wallpaper, maybe put in new furniture.

But that’s about it.

It’s different, and you won’t ever go back.

So now I’m remembering something I saw sometime. I don’t remember where, and I don’t really care right now either. It was simple though, and at that time I thought the former half described this friendship. But now I know it was just the second half that described us. And I’m sure God has great plans for this old friend of mine. I’m sure He’s going to do a great work through this person. And I hope He does. Because this is a good person, who loves the Lord, and who wants to please Him. So, God, if you’re reading this — bless this person in everything they do. Work in their life for the good, and help them to continue seeking your face. That’s all.

Anyways… the quote:

Some people are meant to be in your life for a long, long time.
Some people are only meant to be there for a few seasons.

Well…. there you have it.

I’m done for the night. I’m done for a while.