I Shouldn’t Be Blogging Right Now…

I really shouldn’t. I’ve got a book report to write for Monday (which is already late because it was due this past Tuesday), and I’ve got about thirty workbook pages to do, and I’ve got laundry down in the wash room, and I should have done the dishes by now. I’m alone in the apartment, and it’s nice. I’ve got my window open, my country music playing, and an IM open so I can converse with a great friend (we both have to write papers, though, so our conversing will be ending soon). My hair is in the messiest pony-tail I think I’ve ever had it in, and I haven’t showered yet today. However, I did eat Chipotle for lunch with my roommate and three other friends… so, I think it’s a great day so far, regardless of all the stuff I have to do.

Yesterday, I walked back into temptation. I say walked because I know I didn’t just fall into it. In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul tells us that the temptation we feel isn’t foreign to anyone else. Everyone feels the same temptations you feel at some point in their lives, even Jesus did. Paul also gives us assurance in that the Lord is good to us and will never let us be tempted “beyond what [we] can bare” and that He always provides away for us to stand up against that temptation.

Yesterday, I walked back into temptation. I didn’t fall, and it definitely wasn’t a sneak attack by Satan. Well… maybe it was a sneak attack? The thing is, I was confident that I could handle the temptation that was bogging me down. Little did I know, confidence can kill. Well, maybe not confidence, but over-confidence. I can look back and see exactly where I could have made a small, easy, different decision and none of it would have happened. It’s so ridiculous to me that I can look back and remember hearing the Holy Spirit prompting me to make a different decision than I was making… but I just didn’t listen to him. In a way, I turned to God and said, “Dad, I’ve got this. I’ve got it.” and went back to what I was doing. I’ve never thought about how (over)confidence can kill someone like that. I was never told that when you feel your best is when Satan finds a way to get you down. It seems so simple now, thinking about it, but I seriously use to think that Satan always got you while you were down, so he could keep you down. But now it is all too clear that he plants his seed when you are confident in the Lord and confident in yourself (moreso when you’re confident in yourself. Mistake #1), because you never expect it. It’s like your blindsided by the other team, and man… when Satan tackles, he really tackles.

I find it interesting that I’ve never been taught this, never thought of this before. Why didn’t my youth pastors tell me that? Why didn’t anyone farther along in their walk with the Lord warn me? Is this a lesson that people have to learn on their own? Because driving home last night after my walk into temptation, I was speaking with the Lord and He just spoke softly back to me. It was so very humbling to realize that I seriously cannot do anything on my own. I can’t withstand temptation, I can’t save myself… I can’t even tie my shoes without the Lord enabling me to.

My dad always reminds me of when I was little and just learning to ride my bike. He says I was reluctant to receive help from him the first few times, but after falling a few times I came to him and asked for help because I realized I couldn’t do it alone. After his help for a few more tries, I finally got it. He always smiles when he says this… He says that when I had it, I got on my bike, strapped on my helmet, and said “Dad, I’ve got this. You go sit down and just watch.” And off I went. I had it. I gained the skill of riding my bike because my dad had helped me for so long. But I had it.

I guess this could be theologically sound, somehow. Let me try and work it into God. God helps me to fight temptation when I can’t. But first, I had to learn how to do it with His help, and when I thought I had it and told God to go sit down and watch, it probably pained him because he knew I wasn’t ready to go off by myself. This is where I crashed and burned yesterday. And this is where God’s grace comes in and my being humble and getting off my high horse comes in…. I had to go back to the Lord last night, on my knees, asking for help. Eventually, maybe I’ll be able to stand up against other temptations with the skills and ways out that the Lord has equipped me with and shown to me. I’m not saying I’ll do it all alone… no way. I’m saying, God is giving me the tools that I need to withstand temptation, things that oppose me in Christ, and I’ll be able to use those things to get the job done and stand firm. But I think God will also continuing humbling me, so I can know when I do need to go running back to him, so that I have him to hold me up before I completely fall. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my head.

lovelovelove.