Day 9

Day Nine, and it blows up in my face. I swear, you let your guard down for two minutes and Satan sees it, runs in, grabs you by the throat and body slams you. He’s quick like that. He’s not really sneaky, nor clever. He’s just patient with waiting for you to let your guard down. Don’t let it down. Brothers and sisters, don’t let your guard down. It’s probably one of the worst decisions you could make. Be careful to guard yourself against Satan and his ways. Be careful to include God in everything.

I keep learning from all my mistakes, it’s true… But I never implement my new knowledge. I never use my new tools that God gives me. I look at them, examine them over, even hold them in my hands and practice with them so that I will be prepared for when I need them… But in the moment that I need them the most, I never use them.

What. The. Heck.

I guess that’s when I stand here and accept that gift of Grace. You know… that gift of forgiveness and grace and love and mercy? The one that God himself gave to me? To us? I’ve never been good with accepting gifts. Ever. I feel bad taking them, like someone is wasting some hard earned money on me. I know that’s not true, not usually, but that’s still how it feels. I’m only learning this year that it’s an insult to not accept someone’s gift, or to ask how much it was, or why they got whatever it is for you. Yikes. And to be honest, I only learned this last night. I’m nineteen, and I know nothing about gifts except that I like giving them. I will give and give until the end, but I just hate accepting them. I’m no good at it at all. heh.

The gift of grace is different, though. I feel like it’s much harder to accept. Just because we are so used to being blamed and punished for the things we do, and then God comes swooping in and hugs you and says “It’s okay, you’re forgiven.” I’m always taken back by it, and wind up in a daze not knowing what just happened.

I’m forgiven?

And that one really bad one I committed earlier today? That one, too?

It’s hard to believe.

Do you have trouble accepting the gift of Grace? Mercy? Love?