Finally Some Camp Stuff?

I realize I haven’t really been keeping up to date with camp stuff. To be honest, I’m not really sure how camp stuff has been. I mean, I’ve been to three weeks of camp so far and I’ve experienced them and I know what happened and my brain was mushy for a while because of all the information I was taking in from my surroundings and from speakers and from events… But I don’t know how any of it has been.

Conversations about camp have gone like this so far:

Other Person: “Oh hey! You’ve been to a lot of camps this summer, haven’t you? How have they been?”

Me: “oh, you know. Great, really. Super. God really moved, and that was apparent, so they’ve been great! Week one was great, week two was difficult at first but then fulfilling, and week three was probably the most difficult week I’ve ever had.”

Other Person: “Cool! kbye!”

See? I haven’t really had time to talk them out. I know the general feelings associated with each week. Let me share them with you…

Week 1:
Feelings: Apprehension, anxiousness, nervousness, i-don’t-really-want-to-be-here-but-i-agreed-so-i-should-really-stop-with-the-attitude, and by the end of the week… relief, joy, fulfillment, peace.

I looked a little like this at the beginning of the week:

and like this at the end:

Okay… maybe that last one is a little over-the-top. I probably looked more drained and relieved to go home than like I just pooped my pants and knew that my grandkid has to clean me up.

Week 2:
Feelings were a whirlwind. I think that’s how I actually described it in my journal.
At first I was happy and optimistic, then I was pissed and lonely and upset and I wanted to curl into a ball and cry and I felt unwanted and inadequate and like the week was going to suck, but I still held onto hope that the week would get better by at the very latest Tuesday night.
This is sort of me, with my little ray of hope shining through…

This is me by the end of the week: Tired, ready for bed, happy to have stayed the whole week, excited for the next week (and to do laundry). My heart was just really, really, really very happy and content and glad.

Week 3:
At the beginning… EXCITED! then upset. then discouraged. then my heart really hurt for the girls I was working with. then I was upset again. then my heart hurt more because I felt like their worship wasn’t genuine — and who the heck am I to judge whether worship is genuine or not? I’m not God. At the beginning of the week (and for most of it, if we’re being completely honest) I was ready to go home. It was seriously the hardest week of my counseling career. I just didn’t know what to do, and again like the previous week, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry because I felt so useless. This is what I felt like:

by the end of the week, I was just really, really glad to be going home. and, I was really, really glad that God moved through me and through the other counselors and workers to reach the kids. ALL five of my girls wound up making decisions of some sort. Two decided to get baptized, one decided to rededicate, and two decided that they were ALL IN for Christ and His Kingdom! HOLLA!! (: So, my heart was happy, but I was tired. Exhausted from my whacked out emotions really. Also, me and Best Friend decided that for Friday dinner we were going to Chipotle… so I felt a little like this…

I mean. Clearly, that is my I’m-super-excited-to-be-done-with-camp-because-God-moved-in-lives-and-now-I-get-to-eat-Chipotle-after-a-week-of-camp-food face. (:

Ugh. enough about feelings. I’m going to go start my day. I mean, it’s 12pm and I’ve been laying in bed for four hours.