My Pool

I recently read @jclayville‘s blog about her pool. Take a moment and read it so you know where I’m going with this. (;

After reading about Jenni’s pool, I decided that it was high time I examined my own pool. Self-evaluation is pretty daunting at times, and above that it can be painful. For some people, looking back at memories of childhood is painful — who wants to remember and work through that are just going to churn up more pain?

My pool has silly things in it, like insecurities that hold me back. And my pool has past decisions that still haunt me. My pool is murky and dark because of various things. My pool is filled with feelings of inadequacy, and with issues of the heart that keep bearing down on me, and with sins that I hate to mention but sometimes do because it helps in the healing process. My pool is littered with bits of fear and anger and sadness.

My pool also has great things in it. Like hints of confidence, and globs of hope. Globs of it. Big, sloppy globs of hope, which just keep getting bigger. And I’m okay with those globs being messy and sloppy — who said hope is perfect? who said life is perfect? In my pool I catch glimpses of greatness, just yearning to escape into the world. I see bits of joy, and happiness, and bravery, and courage, and excitement. A zest for life is also growing down near the deep end — it will only be a little while before it starts taking over everything. (;

I can’t think. I don’t know how to explain my pool anymore than this. This has been in my draft section for about a month now, maybe even more. Ugh.

What does your pool look like?