Uh, hello.

Oh, hey there. Who are you? Do you remember me? It’s been forever since my last post. Sorry about that, friends. I’ve been a little bit frazzled lately, what with the end of summer and summer camps, and school starting, and starting a new job, and life happening. To be honest, I’ve been absent from a lot of things lately. School and work have pretty much swallowed up my life.

Here are some things I’ve learned in the past few weeks:

1. Your childhood perceptions of people are eventually shattered when something happens to make you realize that there are no such things as heroes, and the people you look up to the most are usually flawed the most. (I’m a little bit bitter, so this newly acquired information is still going to be a little bit harsh.)
2. Work is hard, and working hard at work is hard work. Sweating, getting your hands dirty, and determination are all very important things if you want to get anywhere and make money. Remember: the harder you work, the more likely your hard work will get recognized. Stay persistent, have a good attitude, and do everything you do like you’re doing it for God alone… He is the one you’re actually working for, y’know, assuming you subscribe to that worldview.
3. School is harder than work is sometimes. Right now, it is. Paying attention in classes, keeping up with homework… it’s all actually hard work. For me it is, at least. Sometimes it is incredibly hard to pay attention in class, especially during Ethics class and Prison Epistles and Bible Survey. Not that those are absolutely horrible classes… they’re just… boring? Sometimes? Haha. But they’re very, super full of information, so I like them in that sense. Anyways – school is hard work, and I love learning.
4. Juno has some great life lessons in it. I can’t say what they are right now, because I’m too teary-eyed to care. This ending is so great. “If you’re still in, I’m still in.”
5. I think love is real. True love. I’m seeing this to be more and more true as time goes on, even though right now I am completely against love and everything that I’ve ever seen it stand for because most of the ‘love’ I’ve seen has failed with a few exceptions. (My parents have been married for almost 30 years, and they are still completely crazy about each other. It’s disgusting, really.)
6. I’m going to be an absolute mess this school year. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle all of this responsibility and stress. I’ll handle it… but definitely not without the Lord carrying me everywhere. I’m going to be like a little baby this year, constantly needing to be held by my Father.
7. This year will also be crazy, and messy. Because I did a very dangerous thing today: I asked God to test me. I told Him that I wanted to learn what it means to fully rely on and fully trust Him. That’s a dangerous prayer, and I’m not 100% ready for this… but I guess that’s where the “fully relying” and “fully trusting” part comes in, yes? I am excited to see what happens this year, and I am welcoming the challenges.

This year will be one big year of growth and renewal and awesomeness as I learn to trust, rely, and love the Lord like I was meant to. I want to fully experience God’s great love, His forgiveness, and His great mercy. I want to experience what it’s like to love the Lord with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength. I am fully aware of the probability of coming out of this year looking like a rag doll and having a lot of scrapes and bruises all over me. I want the Lord to test me, and I want Him to show me how to be more like Him. I want to love like He loves, and be gracious like He is, and be kind like He is. I want to be a forgiver, and not a grudge holder. I want to be a lover, not a hater. I want to learn how to accept people and things that I don’t necessarily like or agree with, I don’t want to just tolerate them. I want to see with the eyes of Christ, and I want to move like He moves. I want to go where He leads, and I want to speak only the things that He prompts me to say. I want my speech to fully reflect that of Christ’s, and I so long for my heart to be a carbon copy of the Father’s. I want my whole life to scream and shout and bring nothing but praise and glory to the Lord.

This school year is the beginning of the end of myself. This school year is where I finally stop kicking and screaming like a little kid, and where I finally step aside and let God have control.  This is the year of renewal, and the year of “holy crap, that was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was so, so awesome.”

(: <3