oh, hey.

I was lying in bed last night trying to force myself to sleep when I started drifting off, only to fully come-to again and remember how I’ve been a super neglectful blogger. This isn’t unusual — the forcing myself to sleep, the drifting off only to remember something I didn’t do or needed to do, or the lack of blogging. It’s pretty normal. Unfortunately.

Yesterday was a good day. Truly. I had a meeting with a project partner about suicide (I won’t mention the stream of inappropriate jokes we made in order to fight off the feelings of gloom and doom from our research), had a meeting with a professor (where he told me he was extremely proud and happy and excited for me), sat in the office of a dear friend and loved her as best as I knew how (at this point, listening), went to the church staff meeting at Zaxby’s (had a good time, very productive), went to FCC’s inaugural baseball game (we lost, 3-19), went to a cookout/tailgate, and went to a basketball game (which we won, but I didn’t stay for because we were winning by a  lot and I was bored). Then, I tried to sleep.

It didn’t work. I think I tossed and turned for a good two hours before I stared to drift off.

Then I started remembering all the things I had to do.

Read for Restoration History, write a summary & report. Read for Developmental Issues Concerning Children and Adolescents, post questions on class forum. Read for Marriage & Family Enrichment, try not to go into an all-out postal rampage. Start packing to move out of this apartment and into the next, try not to go into an all-out postal rampage. Do laundry. Read for Abnormal Psych, do study guides and vocab quizes. Do study guides for Developmental Psych. Order books for Religious Cultism, or get Brock to let me borrow his. Do research for new kid’s tables for church. Figure out what the heck I’m teaching the kids tomorrow at church. Clean my room. Clean the bathroom. Go to the grocery store, oh wait, don’t do that because I don’t have money. Re-prioritize my spending, stick to the budget. Get outside and enjoy this beautiful weather.

 

In my mulling over the day’s events, and making a mental list for tomorrow (today, now), and also trying to force myself to sleep, I kept thinking of how good life would be if it were different. How much more fun life would be if I would just _____, how much easier life would be if I would just ______, how much sweeter life would be if I could just _____, how nice it would be if I _______, how cool it would be if I _______. I kept thinking about my friends’ lives and how no they don’t have it all together but they still have pretty awesome lives and seem to get everything done that needs to be done and they still have good relationships and still have time to do things and are still sane.

The grass is always greener, right?

I thought that phrase. I remembered it in my whining and wishing. And then I prayed and thanked the Lord for what I have. Because I have a lot of good things. I have a good life. I have friends who I love, who also love me. I am blessed. I am spoiled, really. God spoils me.

So I started wondering, what if I stopped looking at other peoples’ greenery and started looking for my own patches of greener? What if I stared searching my own green life for the greener parts, and became excited and thankful and happy for those?

Just in searching right now, these are the greener parts I have found. So far.

• My friends. Each one is a different greener patch, for completely different reasons.
• My job as children’s minister. Though I don’t always like it, don’t always see the work I’m doing as beneficial, and don’t always enjoy being around kids, I am being blessed and being given the opportunity to bless others. That is a green.
• Florida Christian College. I don’t know if you know this, but I am going to the best school in the entire world. The people are great, the classes are great, and while the sports teams are pretty shabby — the fans are great.
• My family. I have two wonderful sisters and two wonderful parents. While we don’t always get along, don’t always choose love, and don’t always see each other, we are still family. This is my built-in, God-given support system. And boy do they support me.
• The road outside my bedroom window. Sometimes it’s annoying to wake up in the middle of the night to speeding cars and sirens, and it’s annoying to try and fall asleep to the same, but looking out at the road right now? With all those cars driving by? With those cars filled with people? I am reminded that I live in one of the most, if not the most, wealthiest countries in the world where pretty much everyone has at least one car. I am blessed to live in America. I won the lotto when I was born here. That is greener.
• The bracelet on my wrist. More so what the bracelet represents. It’s from Cambodia, made by a Khmer woman who lives on an island because the Cambodian government placed her there when they didn’t know what else to do with her. Me buying this bracelet gave her some means for living. That is greener.

 

See that? I have my own greener.

 

What’s your greener?